Oh! That’s Why

I am me!

Browsing Posts in Food for Thought.

I so agree!

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Conformity- Dead Poets Society

If you have been following, then you probably know by now how much I have learnt from the movie- Dead Poets Society :) This clip is by far the most beautiful way of putting across an idea everyone is always looking for- be it the admissions committee, your professors and peers, your wonderfully large family, or even the interview panel when you apply for a job- How far do you conform to the rules set by society, or as they like to put it “what sets you apart?”

But most importantly, this idea has been the greatest motivator and morale booster for me, personally. A video on conformity and I cannot help but agree!

The other day (long back actually) I read about this research study being conducted to find an equation for happiness, in like real mathematical terms! I don’t know how far they have got with that…and in the mean time I decided to make one for myself!  

And this formula I came up with was not because of any long hours of research work, but due to the fact that I did not get any sleep all night (thanks to a power nap in the evening and a huge hot fudge ice cream at 11.30 p.m)

  I was up watching the Bowling Green Sunrise from my window and just like that I thought of that formula again…*it keeps popping up in my head at odd hours now! They better come up with something soon!

And here’s what I thought of….

Happiness = Reality + Hope

Happiness I believe would never be achieved if I don’t learn to live in the real world. I have to know what is me; what is not…but then there are times when reality is too bleak to associate it with happiness. That’s when Hope comes into the picture.

When ‘reality’ and what you would ‘hope’ for, are the same, I believe you have maximum happiness, but then when ‘reality’ is not enough, add the hope factor to it, to increase the happiness quotient.

But hope can only be added with limitations, you cannot hope for foolish dreams to come true without working towards it, for then it will be very momentary and when the bubble breaks, happiness will drop so low, even a good reality won’t be able to help.

Socrates, Hippocrates and Cheddar Cheese :P  may argue that happiness would mean getting rid of all worldly desires and expectations (thus eliminating hope and accepting reality as it is), but they are the ones who may have attained perfection in life unlike most of us.

In my world and to go where I want to go, hope is surely an ingredient very important along with accepting reality to be Happy.

*Inspired by two of the most amazing ideas presented in the movies-

Pursuit of Happyness & Shawshank Redemption- “for hope my friend is a wonderful thing”

Imagine you have to step out of your house… and it is pouring outside. You either take an umbrella along or don’t carry one at all. And suppose you do carry one, and it turns upside down…

Until a certain age in life, all of us are in our cozy, comfortable homes. Here, I mean that you take what you get, served on a platter. People dictate terms and you accept them and enjoy. Home will be home, schools will be chosen- you get to choose the subjects, picnics will be planned- you get the permission… The time spent at home though, may differ from person to person. Some leave home earlier than usual, some later, but leave home, almost all of us do.

And when the time comes for us to leave home, some carry the umbrella some don’t. An umbrella of hope and expectation. And in our journey along the road, leading to our goals it pours cats and dogs. Your umbrella turns and you face the same wind and rain, just like a person who doesn’t carry one at all.

If you carried one- the umbrella can be turned back down again, at least you had protection while it lasted and what if it just did not have to turn at all!

If you didn’t- Without the umbrella you were still on your way to the goal, saves time and embarrassment, brave the rain like an adventure!

Imagine you have to step out of your house… and it is pouring outside. You either take an umbrella along or don’t carry one at all. And suppose you do carry one, and it turns upside down…

Which one would rather be your case, if one of them had to be?

Destiny- A topic so hot for discussion, I must have heard it at least once every week throughout my life (and it is no exaggeration) . And like the title says, each one of us have (maybe just) once (but) definitely given this a thought.

And especially, in a culture like mine, in India, ‘taqdeer’, ‘qismat’, ‘bhagya’ and such terms are used  all around. And since my stay in the village I have been hearing it all the more often, that wring this article became a compulsion!

When a 19 year old boy failed to clear his standard 10th examination, in the third attempt even (because he did not work hard, of course!), his nani very lovingly said, “uski taqdeer mein nahi hai’- “it’s not in his destiny”.

When a lady had a chance to move to the city with her kids so they would receive good education; she denied, saying, “Now my destiny is here, for I was married here and so, I will live here with my children…hope their kids have better ‘qismat’.

And so on and so forth all day long…

Another very annoying thing that I have heard is by the village men- almost 60 percent of them are jobless- and those that have work such as farms- they don’t work hard enough or have shops, they don’t open for at least 4 days in a week! I don’t know how they fail to realize, even a stupid person could tell they were being lazy.

So, they are lazy, barely work and so barely have money and the comforts money brings along. They live meagerly and very conveniently repeat these lines once everyday for themselves, and for people like me when they are questioned – “this much is our destiny. What God has to give, He will. We are not the greedy types- we have faith in our Lord.”

They say this with the most sincere face, the grave eyes and preachy voice- that anyone who heard would agree. As for me, I would initially sit alone, start reevaluating my wants, priorities, desires…

But now, (and I am grateful for it) I go and add another thing in my list of ‘things- to-do’, every time I hear someone like that, say those line.

I hope I have made it clear what people associate with the word ‘destiny’ here.

Failure, laziness (on the person’s part) = Destiny (blame it on God!)

I know and it is my firm belief (aqeedah) that destiny whether good or bad is from my Lord. I know that success, failure, riches, wisdom and everything I would ever want to achieve is written and I will only get that which is due to me. And none besides my Lord can provide me with it.

But what I am most thankful for is that I do NOT know what is in my destiny. I do not know how much, from where is due to me. I do not know what I will have to go through to achieve it.

And thus, I plan, work, strive and persevere to achieve what’s in my destiny and together also get with it- a meaning, a purpose and satisfaction, that comes along.

As a human, we are born with a great intellect, freewill- how can one live life like the cattle around!? In fact, even the grazing cattle moves to the greener patch in an attempt to get better grass. Sometimes it gets, sometimes it is shooed, but it does go, every time!

As a famous saying goes, “Tie your camel, and have faith in Allah.”

You cannot leave your camel untied for it to stray away and blame destiny for loosing it. If it is not for you, you will loose it either way, but do as a man with some intelligence would and destiny will do what it would.

Here, I am reminded of the joke of the drowning man who refused help saying, “My lord will save me” and drowns; and God says to him, “were those boats and help from someone besides!?”

Exactly my point in a nutshell- Opportunities, youth, strength, intelligence and more were given to us by your Lord. He made this huge planet with all it’s bounties for man. If there are high mountains, it is accompanied by deep valleys. There are green fields and deep oceans. If He really was to put the destined morsel of food in the mouth, why would He create all this? Wouldn’t a flat world with huge walls all around be more apt?

But He did not.

Then why these walls of ignorance all around with laziness at its centre? How can anyone pack their failure away with the card labeled, “Destiny.”??

A Letter.

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Much of what is lost,

Was but a thing that would decay,

Time will heal the pain of loss,

Memories will turn to myth one day…

Yourself in the mirror when you face,

Rejoice in knowing this-

Sold you not your soul,

Character and hope none can steal…

Grieve not O’ Heart,

Thou hast me still.

- Thy Faith.

Just when you think you have it figured, reality strikes.

We come to know through the study of developmental psychology that children at an early stage in life have the concept of all good/all bad for people and things.

And then slowly as they grow the understanding that a single person could be good and otherwise too, begins to take root. The smiling, loving care giver can also get angry; the friend who plays along can also hurt. This is seen as an important milestone in development.

But maybe somewhere, this idea of all good/ all bad does not entirely leave us. Why else would it be that expectations start forming and a rude remark from a friend hurts more than from a stranger?

  We meet people, some are remembered some lost in oblivion. Those that we like, we become friends with. We look for good qualities in them. What about them attracts us? Their words, ideas, look etc…their white side. The twirl of which shows us colors of the rainbow.

And then there are people we don’t approve of. Their look, ideas, words do not match ours. Their concept of good and bad; life and living are different. The dark areas of our life? Pushed far away they look plain black.

But surprise, surprise!! The good friend fails at something you expected, is not just the colors you so far pictured. And someone out of the dark turns out quite different- shines like a star on a day with heavy rain.

Gray People: Precisely the shade we all are. Good at certain things, not so much at others. “Wonderfully perfect” for some; “Got a lot to learn” for others. We are all, black and white together.

Seeing the grays and learning to pick the whiter shades – Smart Living.

Through the years I’ve read how the path to achieve great happiness, lasting peace begins with being content. Accepting things as they are, being satisfied with what one has, shunning all desires…

But try as I might, I continued to “want”. I continued to question- What next? How? When? And thus, put myself in the double dilemma of “wanting” and then wanting to quit it.

Finally, I’ve made peace with that. I have decided- I am going to let myself ‘remain dissatisfied.’ Dissatisfied at things not being the way they should be; to the level that it drives me to do more. Time tested and proved- it’s the best way to keep me motivated.

There’s enough time to do more than just exist; Happiness and Peace are best found while in their pursuit.

Note-This post is a sincere and humble dedication to Amma- My mom’s mom. I have yet to meet another who is so perfect an embodiment of grace and selfless love.

Look at the world with your eyes

Stop borrowing thoughts from other minds

Dreams the dreams that are born free

Be the self your heart wants to be.

It’s okay to shun the things that others do

Your fate’s not bound to those gone before you

Legends they were, that took the first step alone

Heroes they were not, who stayed back home.

Use your head, and with the heart at the right place

You cannot go wrong, the whole world you can face

That friend you needed now, is gone too far away

And all you have is me

And the green fields and the trees.

And all that you can do, is see me all anew

Cuz times a passing by,

And every whispered sigh,

Escapes the earth for high.

Watch rainbows in the sky,

Or birds that fly above,

Be they eagles or the doves.

And flowers will still do bloom,

And seasons- shine or gloom,

Will all thus pass you by.

Like the friend you needed now…

All you have is me,

And the green fields and the trees.